It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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