I want to have your abortion
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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