Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
