So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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