i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
