Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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