I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My vagina just clenched in fear
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
