she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
