plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize