I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
