I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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