Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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