I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
