ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
