Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
