i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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