maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
