so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
