Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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