I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
FUCK WHALES
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize