I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
