I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
