This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
