Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
