i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize