Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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