My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
