Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
