Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
