How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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