hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
