none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
