Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
