I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
