is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
