I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
