The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
