This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
