Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
