my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
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