Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
