I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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