She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
