don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
