I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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