He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
is wine microwaveable?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
