Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
