My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
