I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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