oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
