so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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