I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize