Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just cut my nipple shaving
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
