yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
