Ambien. No doubt about it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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