I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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