Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize