I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Watching her eat just hurts me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
