Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
