I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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