Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
