If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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