6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
