Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
