I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
