You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
