# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
