I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
